Because...

One time, when we were out for lunch, we talked about the girl and the affair (in a very skim-the-issue way)

D: "Nagagalit ka pa ba or naaasar 'pag naalala mo yon?"

I told him:

S: "Hindi. Nalulungkot lang ako."

Because I almost lost you... and for some time you didn't want to be found.

Because you came back to me... and I was never sure of my decision to take you back.

Because we were completely changed by that summer... but I do not think it was for the best.

Because I am paranoid and scared and untrusting.

Because I am unsure of your love.

Because I would've been a completely different person if it didn't happen.

And that's why I am saddest -- because sometimes I don't feel like myself anymore.

---

Of course I didn't tell him that.

But I got a kiss and a hug of reassurance. And a few minutes of coffee and cigs in a small coffee shop for the first time ever.

And somehow, I was okay. For now.

---

Happened a few weeks ago, and wrote about it a few days after.

Sorry for the angst =z