And now what?

It was like giving feedback -- but the other person won't accept your evaluation.

It was frustrating.

And that's an understatement.

He tried to defend himself.

• Going out with me has to have a purpose - either to eat out, watch a movie or buy something. Going out with his officemates is for gimik or inuman. Now tell me what's wrong with that? Well, I thought the purpose of going out with me was to be with me. And isn't a gimik or inuman just an excuse to be with your friends?
• And if you're thinking why not we go out on a gimik or inuman, boring daw yun na dalawa lang kami. He doesn't want to bring me with his friends because I don't like them daw. I just don't like meeting his friends because they know he lies to me. It's embarrassing and degrading kaya for me.
• They're just friends, even if the whole office thinks she's his girl. Yeah right. With the *mwah*, "boyfriend" code name, and "malulungkot ako na mawawala ka" conversation, who's going to believe him?
• The girl asked him daw kasi to download the Jordin Sparks album. And that was after this girl fought with me over text ha. Who looked like a fool then?
• He stopped telling me everything after Celine (the college affair) because he saw what effect it had on me. Ah okay, hindi ba yung skirt-chasing ways niya ang dapat iwasan, hindi yung pagsabi ng totoo sakin?

So, really, he didn't make any sense at all.

Because he avoided saying something that was so obvious already.

He kept saying that he wanted to be with us, he wanted to be with Darice.

But he didn't say specifically that he wanted to be with me.

And he also didn't promise that he'd change his ways.

Wouldn't it be unfair that he has us, but he gets to live the life of a single man?

Ano siya, sinusuwerte?!?

That was why I was so frustrated... because it was so obvious already that he was enjoying his life without us.

Instead of repenting, and showing me he has changed his ways, he lived it up with his single friends [Take note that he is the only married person in their group. Figures]. Instead of putting effort in apologizing, he gave up after a week or so of trying to win me back. Instead of asking us to come back to his room, he was content with the current situation, saying "puede naman kayo bumalik kahit kelan ah". Instead of saying that he misses me by his side, he tells the girl leaving for Singapore that "malulungkot ako pag nawala ka". [Kasalanan ko na rin siguro yon, because I always go to his room for sex. Tawag lang ng laman, tao lang]

And then he'll say "Gusto ko dito lang kayo ni Darice".

So asan siya habang nandito kami? Makakasama ba namin siya? Kami ba ang gugustuhin niyang makasama?

Ang pinaka-nakakafrustrate pa diyan eh ang isasagot sa'yo eh "Oo na, oo na". At magrereklamo na "andami mo namang hinihingi".

Wow.

Basic stuff that a husband and a father would normally do, nahihirapan na siya?

So gusto ba talaga niya maging tatay or asawa, o mamuhay na lang na sarili lang ang iisipin niya?

The worst thing about the Friday night conversation and Saturday morning recap was we didn't come up with a solution.

So as of now, everything is still uncertain.

And I am so ready to kick myself in the ass na for still being uncertain.

As I told a friend of mine, and D later on that night, I want him to be happy. I love D so much that I don't want to spare him the happiness that Darice and I have in store for him. Because yes he may be happy with his friends right now and enjoying their company, but he's only going to be truly and meaningfully happy with us, his wife and his daughter.

But he has to want that happiness with us, and put effort to maintain that happiness.

And I think, as long as I don't hear him say that he doesn't want us, that he doesn't want "our" brand of happiness, I will still try.

I will still try to make him decide for himself.

Unfortunately.

---

[Ang gulo ba? Magulo kasi talaga utak ko ngayon eh. As in. One minute I'm thinking I want our family to be intact, one minute I can't stand his guts. Pasensya na sa mga nagtiyagang nagbasa. Meron pala itong part II, dahil may slight developments regarding the homefront. Abangan na lang.]